To My Sons and Daughters,
As hard as I try to protect you from the evil in this world, I am sure by now, through social and traditional media you’ve come to learn the story of Brock Turner a young male student and athlete at Stanford University.
You’ve come to learn of the evil encounter he had with another young woman behind a garbage dumpster in the middle of the night.
You’ve come to learn the depravity Brock lowered himself to in taking advantage of a young woman sexually.
You’ve come to learn that as far as just punishment for your transgressions, maybe just maybe, justice was not fully served to Brock Turner for his actions that fateful night through the American system of justice.
You’ve come to read the young woman’s response.
Before your thoughts and internet searches take you any further – let me speak to you as your Father.
To my Sons:
Guys, take a moment and search your heart. As a man developing into an appropriate sexual being my heart tells me that deep down you revile what Brock did to this young woman. Within your heart you’ve come to judge his actions and determined what he did was quite monstrous.
Is that really what you think?
Do you catch yourself thinking: “Brock was a monster that night. I’d never do that. What an animal. He deserves worse!”
Then why my sons do you continually look at porn on the internet? Why do you look to satisfy your flesh in the images of men and women depraving themselves of common decency filming and getting paid to perform indecent sex acts?
Are you not as monstrous as Brock for simply viewing porn and acting out on it with the arm of your flesh?
Hey, don’t take my word for it:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.” Matthew 5:28-30 (NASB)
Yeah, Jesus nailed it my sons. Cut out your eye and cut off your hand if they’re causing you to stumble sexually.
Simply because you have not committed the same heinous sexual act as Brock Turner that night, as my sons, I need to tell you – you are in your heart – if you are acting out sexually through internet porn and your selfish fleshly behavior.
Instead, think on this verse:
“In the same way, you husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way [with great gentleness and tact, and with an intelligent regard for the marriage relationship], as with someone physically weaker, since she is a woman. Show her honor and respect as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered or ineffective.” 1 Peter 3:7 (AMP)
Now I know you’re not married yet my sons, but someday you will be. In the meantime, it’s time to get prepared, prepared appropriately. As such, chew on this verse. Here are some highlights:
- Live with women in your life in an understanding way. Do you understand that you’re looking at porn keeps a significant gap between you and them?
- Live with women in your life as is they are symbolically weaker. I know, I know, our society is making women out to be equal to men and then some. But as my son, I want you in your heart and in your mind to regard them as weaker from the standpoint of, “How would I treat someone weaker than me, needing my genuine help?” It’s simply a point of view Jesus wants you to take on in that, your heart will treat people better, if you genuinely care for their better interests and well being.
- Honor the women in your life. How can you honor a woman? Two words: “Eyes up”. Look at her face, not her figure. That means your ears will be doing more work than your eyes. Trust me on this one.
- Respect the women in your life. How can you respect someone? It’s a carry over from #3 on this list: Listen to her. I literally have to count to three before I respond to your mother sometimes. Why? For the simple reason as a man I am a problem solver, and before your mother finishes what she is saying, I have the answer and want to hit the buzzer to show I am her hero with a solution in hand. Don’t do that. Let her talk, count to three before you respond TO ANYTHING and see if you need to say anything at all. Chances are, you don’t.
- Finally pray for the women in your life, at all levels. Whether they are your mother, sisters, friends or future bride. Accomplishing the first four tasks outlined in this letter from Peter you can see he’s telling you, “Guys, you want to increase the effectiveness of your prayer life, do some housecleaning with regards to the way you treat women. You’ll spiritually grease the skids to your prayers with God. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.”
There you go my sons. Please soak up what I’ve shared.
Now, as to reaching you my Daughters:
Girls, as your Father, my heart breaks for you as you’re reading these accounts from the courtroom drama, witness accounts and the media. I feel as if somehow the impenetrable wall I’ve tried to surround you with as a loving protective Father erodes daily.
You are precious to me. So let me go on record:
As your Daddy, while not physically doing what Brock did that night, early in formation of me as a sexual being and then the early years of my marriage I did partake in the evilness of internet porn that I’ve just warned my Sons about. I had to be broken of it through the exposure of it and reconciliation of it through my marriage to your mother.
Today I am reconciled. To God, to your mother and to my family.
Through all the static, through all the media hype over Brock Turner and even the shell of my former life, as your Daddy, I want you to know – you have immense value and worth.
I’m not the only one who cherishes you. There are honorable men, younger than me, maybe for you – who are seriously trying to cherish you.
There are men who see you, as the Lord God sees you: Precious and Unique. An ideal to uphold.
Yet, sometimes they are having trouble doing so.
Even as honorable men in your presence they are having trouble seeing you as the Lord sees you through the tight outfits you’re wearing, through the low-cut blouses you have on, the way you’re speaking ever more directly to them in person and ultimately through the texts they are receiving from you.
Please as my daughters, do not fall prey to victim mentality our culture is trying to drown you with as women. Through our media, through a divided set of sub-cultures you are being bombarded with the news all men are perverts. You’re being lambasted with all men want is to sexually play with you. You’re being told all men are pigs.
It’s pervasive, it’s overwhelming and it’s almost too big a set of messages to drown out and overcome as honorable men.
Or is it?
The challenge to my sons, to call Brock Turner a monster on one hand, while being involved in internet porn on the other hand is hypocritical at best. Would it not be an equal summation to you as my daughters that to call men pigs and perverts while dressing, acting and communicating inappropriately be the same conclusion? Simply one challenge for sons and one challenge for daughters parallel to one another.
Daughters, please set your sites on this woman:
Description of a Worthy Woman
10 An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
13 She looks for wool and flax
And works with her [h]hands [i]in delight.
14 She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.
15 She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And [j]portions to her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
From [k]her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds [l]herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.
18 She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her [m]hands grasp the spindle.
20 She [n]extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
And [o]supplies belts to the [p]tradesmen.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the [q]future.
26 She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the [r]teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
29 “Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who [s]fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her the [t]product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates.
Proverbs 31:10-31 (NASB)
My Daughters, you have a hand in how you are seen and how you are valued. Like my Sons, who I am asking to treasure you, please treasure them in the way you dress and communicate. What I am talking about is reciprocal.
The case of Brock Turner has heightened in me the need to call both my sons and daughters equally to righteousness. In the end set your mind on things above. Do not focus on the sins of the people of this earth, their depravity or their actions which you revile.
Know that as my Sons and Daughters I cherish your worth daily and I expect of you to cherish others worth in my absence.
Your Loving Father