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Hello my name is Kurt and I am an ANGERHOLIC

Hello, my name is Kurt and I am an ANGERHOLIC. I’m 49 years old and for the first time in my life I’d like to openly admit, I’m an ANGERHOLIC.

That is to say, I’ve chosen to be angry.

Why? Several reasons.

Let me start with one: My anger gives me focus and clarity. In junior high I was diagnosed with dyslexia. I suffered the ridicule of other kids at school for it and began fighting the label since then. Through my dyslexia and I learned long ago that when I get mad or angry I can begin to think more clearly.

Therefore, I’ve been self medicating for years, hiding behind the FEAR that if I’m not angry, I’ll forget things, mess them up or even worse.

This is just ONE of the reasons I choose to sin in my anger. It’s an area that as a man I am showing others (bride, family and friends) where I don’t trust God to do His work – and despite – my faith in Him – my anger invalidates my witness all the way around.

So hold me accountable. Call me out. For if you don’t I could get worse (Hebrews 3:13).

How about you? Why not think about ONE key sins in your life and write it out before the second half of the word HOLIC.

Maybe it’s lust, jealousy, gossip,etc. You fill in the blank.

Take a pic and post it in my comments. Then as The Body of Christ we can pray and lift one another up!

God loves you and so do I.

Kurt

fruit

Nine Things Every New Daddy Needs To Succeed

More than 2.5 M guys between the ages of 15-24 will learn they are going to be a father in the next 12 months. That’s 5 guys every minute.

  1. 40% will pressure the woman they’re with to end the pregnancy.
  2. 20% will abandon the woman, and possibly the child – IMMEDIATELY.
  3. 20% will try and to man up yet quit and walk away in the first 90-180 days.
  4. The final 20% will try to be a Daddy with no-one to help them.

Yet, when a loving mentor gets involved with any of these 5 guys, the following tide changes:

  1. 89% of men wanting a pregnancy to end, have a change of heart and give their child the chance to be born.
  2. 73% of men facing unexpected pregnancy ACTUALLY start a family, instead of walk away.
  3. 100% of pregnancy care center directors say they see a reduction in single moms.*
  4. Mentors report 1 out of 2 men develop a long-lasting and personal relationship with Jesus – where there was none before.

There are nine things every new Daddy needs to succeed in his new role for the original four tides to change.

FIRST Every new Daddy Needs to know he is LOVED. Facing an unexpected pregnancy, truly unexpected, stirs fear in young men’s hearts. If the Bible is the least bit true, then 1 John 4:18 offers a symptom and solution simultaneously. That is:

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.” 1 John4:18 (NASB)

One of the most effective ways to LOVE men in unexpected pregnancy is to OVERCOME your own fears in communicating with them and allow the LOVE you have received to be given away freely and simply be available to them.

SECOND Every new Daddy needs to be delivered JOY. That is, he needs to be welcomed with a joyful heart. Not a condemning heart – which he is afraid of and almost certainly receiving in some circles.

“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1 (NASB)

Not that they’ve received Jesus Christ as their savior, BUT YOU HAVE, and IF you’re in Him – You don’t condemn them – ever.

THIRD Every new Daddy deserves PEACE. That is, he needs a place, a space and an environment to think, process and act. The more pressure applied – the less likely he is to succeed.

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phillippians 4:7 (NASB)

Scroll your eyes up and read that again. God’s peace, which surpasses all comprehension WILL GUARD YOUR HEART. You think if your heart is guarded, you can help another guy guard his heart? I’d bet so.

FOURTH Every new Daddy needs PATIENCE. Think about it, when you’re under tremendous pressure, do you perform well? Do you make mistakes and missteps? Yeah, I thought so.

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-4 (NASB)

Is that not a recipe for patience? What will you need to accomplish and achieve endurance? So if you’re gonna be made perfect, complete, lacking in nothing what do you need?

Got it in mind? (Wait, hold that picture…) Now go see if you can also deliver it to a young guy. The very same stuff you envision!

FIFTH – Every new Daddy needs KINDNESS. Just think for a moment about what helps you when you’re stressed. The kindness of a spouse, a child or a complete stranger is powerful. How many times have you been blown away reading and being fascinated in your very own Facebook feed, by the kindness of total strangers?

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Colossians 3:12 (NIV)

Gut check. Are you on God’s team? Not as a card carrying denominationalist, but rather a guy who gets Jesus, knows you’re a disciple maker with a commissioned role in Him? If so, kindness to others, especially guys in unexpected pregnancy is a must.

SIXTH – Every new Daddy needs GOODNESS. We all to varying degrees believe that deep-down inside we are good people. We pay our taxes, we pick up our yard, wave to the neighbors and as much as possible don’t cause any commotion for others. We therefore, by reason of leaving people alone, are good people.

The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil.” Matthew 12:35 (ESV)

Yet leaving a guy facing unexpected pregnancy alone IS NOT GOOD. Staying out of the way, letting people figure things out COMPLETELY on their own is – wait for it – EVIL. The core fallacy we’ve fallen for is that I AM GOOD IF I LEAVE PEOPLE ALONE. The truth is “a good person out of the good treasure BRINGS FORTH GOOD.

Marinate on that one. Let me know what you decide.

SEVENTH – A new Daddy needs FAITHFULNESS. They’re going to fail. They’re going to lie. They’re going to go behind your back. New daddy’s with no sense of up or down, not having a father-figure in their own lives will beg, barter and steal, if they are not secure in their circumstances. You need to be ready for that.

“Trust in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.” Psalm 37:3 (NASB)

Cultivate faithfulness? What does that look like? It looks like a guy who keeps his word – in spite of – his other fleshly desires. It looks like a guy who after he takes care of his own family daily (1 Timothy 5:8) he makes the appropriate sacrifices here and there to purposefully GET INTO the lives of those in need – because – he understands his life’s mantra is 2 Corinthians 1:3-7 (emphasize the words SO THAT if you will)…

EIGHTH – A new Daddy needs GENTLENESS. Often one of men’s most fleeting attributes is the ability to be gentle. Being gentle is frowned upon. In today’s competitive culture (for both men and women) assertiveness triumphs gentleness, tragically.

“but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence;” 1 Peter 3:15 (NASB)

So you’re a Christian. Yeehaa and Yippee for you. You’re ready to tell the world what God’s done and doing in your life. That’s awesome. Yet for a guy in an unexpected pregnancy just trying to figure out the next 5 minutes, and then the next five, why not put yourself on the back burner? Just like God bringing himself into humanity for you and me. Put your wonderful stuff on a shelf and be gentle with a guy making HIM FIRST.

NINTH – A New Daddy needs SELF-CONTROL. Well, if the girl is already pregnant, sorry HIS self-control is out the window on that one. And while you want to help him with his future own self-control, sorry fella, what a new Daddy needs is for YOU to demonstrate self control.

Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.” 1 Corinthians 9:25 (ESV)

Have a business? Have a job? Have responsibilities as a volunteer somewhere? Then as a professional, or maybe even an amateur, you practice and hone your skills daily. Guess what, A new Daddy needs to see that up-close. Many don’t have a routine. Many don’t have structure. Whether it be your mouth, your temper or even your professional acumen demonstrating self-control (not demanding it) is one of the greatest gifts you can give a new Daddy non-verbally.

I guess what I’m trying to convey to you is be a produce developer. A developer of fruit in men’s lives.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22 (ESV)

That’s what a new Daddy really needs.

Think about it…

Ted Cruz

Relationships Are Not Disposable

Relationships are not disposable. Remember that.

Yesterday Senator Ted Cruz of Texas announced his candidacy for the presidency of the United States for 2016 at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia. Without aid of technology Mr. Cruz delivered a sweeping presentation that lasted 50+ minutes and was well carried from beginning, middle and end. The audience was deeply thrilled.

Before his lovely bride and children could reach him on stage to share in the joy of the moment, network pundits and global bloggers began throwing Mr. Cruz’s candidacy into the waste bin of their daily news cycle like a used banana peel.

As someone who is different, does not share the same ideals with theirs, is not like them (as a whole) many in the news cycle began tearing him apart with statements as bold as “Ten reasons Ted Cruz WILL NOT be president” or “Here’s where Ted Cruz does NOT follow the Constitution” and dare say all of it, to demonstrate that Mr. Cruz is as disposable as they want to make him.

Watching Mr. Cruz yesterday I was reminded as a Disciple Maker and Leader, that for me, I would do well to remember in my own walk that Relationships are not disposable.

Follow me.

How are we as disciple makers and leaders any different than those in the news media, or society at large, when we are so

quick to jettison personal, interpersonal and professional relationships at the drop of a hat?

Many of us are involved in small groups, gatherings of like-minded people to a degree and more where we spend time breaking bread together, having genuine fellowship and getting along. Relationships are being built and true fellowship is beginning to form, yet, an offense occurs, an opinion is shared or some other small insignificant slide is made or taken and as a disciple making leader you decide to withdraw.

It may be a result of your own baggage, your own held deeply close opinions of how the world should run, etc. yet as quickly you entered this close and personal group you dismissively back out saying things along the way, such as, “It just didn’t work out” or ‘It’s for the better”.

And as a Disciple Maker and Leader you throw away a relationship, like a banana peel, into the wastebin of unhealthy Christian living.

Jesus’ closest disciple Peter after just hearing his master give an account on how to forgive had the ineptitude to ask Jesus the following question, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Matthew 18:21

Our Lord’s response is poignant.

Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Matthew 18:22

He then goes on to share a parable so that Peter and those following Him could have a deeper understanding of what he means. He shares the story of a King wishing to settle his accounts with his servants. One of the kings servant has piled up a debt of ten thousand talents. A debt so great the servant has no way to repay it upon his return.

The servant pleads for leniency of his debt, for time to pay what he owes. Out of pity the King gives the servant grace and time to repay avoiding imprisoning him.

The servant walks away tremendously relieved – however – as he is exiting his masters presence he finds a fellow servant who owes him a scant amount of money (compared to what he owes) and grabs him, begins choking him and demands, “Pay what you owe!”

BIG HINTThis first servant just disposed of his relationship with his King and Master.

Like before, this second servant falls to his knees and begs forgiveness, however, the lead servant refuses to listen and has the guy locked up.

You know the rest of the story. Word get’s back to the king. The king is outraged and asks declaring, “You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?”

My fellow disciple makers and leaders this is where we need to come in close and huddle up.

Fact is – Relationships are messy.

Whether a relationship is built on a personal, interpersonal or professional level we as disciple makers and leaders should know the game going in. We should remember daily that relationships are hard, they take tremendous work and by and large they’re gonna take loads of forgiveness, not just seven times, but seventy times seven.

We can no longer walk away from relationships due to our own baggage, opinions or worldview and simply title it “free will” anymore. When we realistically know deep down, at the core of our thinking we are walking away from something tough because we don’t want to try, we value convenience or we simply don’t care we’re at the point of disposal.

Instead, we need to run and flee that quitting spirit, do an abrupt turn-around and go right back into the game giving our best Gospel effort to, as my daughter Emily says, “Fight the Disobey”. Fight the disobedient spirit in all of us to lead a comfy Christian lifestyle.

Why?

Simple. Those we disciple, those we lead, will follow in our footsteps and as Pastor Wayne Codero says, “You teach what you know – yet – reproduce what you are.”

Should we dispose of relationships so quickly, we’re no different than the servant whom demands immediate repayment for such a tiny debt – when we as lead servants owe such a tremendous debt to our Lord and King – and are ignorant to what we owe Him.

Those we disciple and lead will do worse than us. (And we wonder why society spits people out so fast these days.)

Let’s not dispose of relationships that are messy and need a little work with the Gospel that it might be said of us, “And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” Matthew 18:34-35

Think about it.

 

For more information on living an emotionally spiritually healthy life try Peter Sazzero’s:

EMOTIONALLY_HEALTHY_SPIRIT.1__91833.1413544255.1280.1280

Kurt & Allison

Great Fathers Let Their Dreams Die

Mickey_Mouse_head_and_earsThe late great Walt Disney was quoted as saying, “If you can dream it, you can do it.

Take a walk through Disneyland in California and I’d say you’d have a hard time arguing otherwise. Indeed, Walt Disney was one of the greatest dreamers. He was a dreamer who through his actions made hundreds of dreams come true.

Dreams are a big deal to us. Want to build a space-ship? Just ask Richard Branson – he’s doing it. Want to be a nationally know singer? Just ask Kelly Clarkson – she’s doing it. Want to be President of the United States? Just ask Barack Obama. He had dreams of it since childhood. Want to (Fill in the blank) my friend? Your dreams can get you there.

So for the short amount that’s been written, we can safely say about dreams:

IDEAS + ACTION = CHANGE

I can tell you – since a young man – I’ve always had big dreams.

Through high school I was told I could go places, do things, be anything. So for me,  I saw myself as radio DJ.  I know, for some of you the thought of radio DJ today is repulsive, Yet back in my day, the formative years of the 80’s, radio DJ’s were the bomb.

Then my girlfriend became pregnant and my dream of going to college took a turn. I got a job, supported my girlfriend and supported my child. I took jobs that were no where near close to my dreams just to stay afloat. Then came a second child four years later and I convinced myself that going to school and getting my degree could always come later.

Then came our 3rd, 4th and 5th child all the way through ten wonderful children and the dream to get into radio simply died.

So what did I do? Like a number of other people having dreams change I thought up other and more fantastical dreams.

I began to dream of owning a log-built home on acreage and livestock and a 30 acre garden to live off the land (should the grid ever go down). I wanted to be a self made man owning and selling Bison to local food markets and adding another 500 acres dedicated to raising Christmas trees and selling them. I began to dream bigger, dream more, dream further and dream longer.

Dream, Dream Dream.

I dreamed that my public speaking, leading of ministry at Guys For Life for 13 years and all I was doing in the evangelical pro-life movement would validate me and help me achieve these ends. As a result I made the mistake of yoking my success and achievement of my dreams directly to my ministry goals. If the ministry was successful, I was successful. Big mistake.

As only the Lord could do, in June of 2013 He lead me to a place I had to give up all my work at Guys For Life – overnight.

After a couple month dust up with the board of directors, realizing ministry had become a personal idol to me, I resigned.

I gave up a dream where I’d personally interacted with and trained over 500 pregnancy care centers to work with men. I gave up a dream of partnering with other ministries (I.E. Focus on the Family) to effect REAL change in men’s ministry. I gave up the dream as a public speaker to effect donors and volunteers in multiple markets to break through the fog of passive male disciples. All of it – gone overnight.

God showed me a new formula:

MY ACTION + GOD’S IDEAS = REAL CHANGE

As a man, my dreams of ministry and my personal success had gotten in the way of listening to my bride, loving my children, being a genuine friend, a valuable ministry leader and even faithful church member. It was a combination of my large dreams, my medium dreams or small dreams and the pursuit of accomplishment – (my selfish dreams) – that impacted others so negatively and God put an abrupt stop to.

I see now through the prism of my faults, and the grace of my Heavenly Father, that through my consequence my Abba Father reworking my worldly view of dreams (MY Ideas + MY Action = Change) to that of (MY Actions + God’s Ideas = REAL Change).

Here’s what I mean:

Look how Abraham handled his DREAM in the book of Genesis. What do you see?

  • An angel visits Abraham (Chapter 15) and through him makes a covenant with Abraham that Abraham (well up there in years) would have descendants as numerous as the stars. IN A DREAM the Lord Himself gives Abraham more details.
  • Sarai, Abraham’s wife, get’s the DREAM – but is impatient and through her slave ‘tries’ to help the situation by letting Abraham sleep with her to get pregnant and give him a child (Chapter 16).
  • Despite Abraham and Sarah’s disobedience God is STILL FAITHFUL and promises a 100 year old man and 86 year old barren woman she would have a son. The DREAM continues (Chapter 17)
  • The Lord speaks through 3 visitors and continues the line that ‘Sarah your wife will have a son’, Sarah hears it and laughs (Chapter 18) and the DREAM still goes on.
  • In a twist of events Abimelek king of Gerar tries to take Sarah away from Abraham, the Lord prevents it from happening by visiting Abimilek IN A DREAM and telling him to give her back to Abraham. He does and God blesses Abimelek moreover through Abrham’s prayer healing Abimelek and his people to bare children again (Chapter 20).
  • Sarah finally give birth to Isaac and her and Abraham’s DREAM of a family and covenant begins to materialize before their eyes. (Chapter 21).
  • In an ultimate test of faith God leads Abraham to the point of almost killing his son Isaac (ABRAHAM’S DREAM) and within a nanosecond of killing him leads him to find a ram for sacrifice instead. The test of letting his dream die proves to God that indeed Abraham’s faith is secure proving OUR ACTIONS + GOD’S IDEAS = REAL CHANGE (Chapter 22).

HOW DOES THIS IMPACT US AS FATHER’S WITH DREAMS TODAY?

  1. Do you have dreams that are all yours and yours alone? (Do you get angry if someone gets in the way of you achieving them?)
  2. Or, has God placed within you a dream that He wants to achieve through you? (How would you even know?)
  3. Have you ever been in pursuit of a dream, been so committed to it, that you sinned (like Sarah planning a ‘side’ pregnancy through her slave and Abraham condoning it) only to have God continually demonstrate his faith in you? (What’s been your response?)
  4. Have you ever doubted God’s promises – only to be proven wrong – yet still doubt? (Hmmmm, probably stings.)
  5. Have you ever been willing to lay down your dream, to the point of a dreams death, in order to honor the Lord first?

For me, coming away from 13+ years in ministry hitting some serious goals in the righteous and unrighteous pursuit of my dreams – being specifically asked by God to let it die – was the hardest thing I ever had to do. As a result I lost relationships with churches, donors, partners and friends. I struggled with depression and guilt like I never knew was possible.

Yet, If I am allowed to say, that through the painful death of a dream, I can tell you that relationships with my bride and children have been restored to greater levels. My faith in God has been made significantly stronger. Life for me is much more purposeful. Three Godly men, independent of one another, for the past two years have been lovingly prodding me to remain faithful to my anointing of discipling men in unexpected pregnancy – and I am returning.

All for letting a dream (which I corrupted) die.

My final exhortation men?  Take an inventory of your dreams as a Father. Are you letting them overtake your faith in God? Have your dreams selfishly gotten to the point they affect your ability to lead your marriage, your family and everything else?

IF YOUR DREAMS have become an idol God may be asking you as a Father to let them die – that HE – may prove your faith through Him and deliver you something greater than you could possibly imagine. Take it from me, a Father who has let a whole host of dreams get in the way of God, his bride, his children and so much more. When I let my dreams and those combined with the ones God gave me actually die a necessary death God began using them (and continues) to deliver something I never expected.

By no means am I a great Father, I’m just a guy who was forced to let a dream die. You however, can be a great Father by realizing your sin in advance and letting your selfish dreams die.

Think about it…