More than 2.5 M guys between the ages of 15-24 will learn they are going to be a father in the next 12 months. That’s 5 guys every minute.
- 40% will pressure the woman they’re with to end the pregnancy.
- 20% will abandon the woman, and possibly the child – IMMEDIATELY.
- 20% will try and to man up yet quit and walk away in the first 90-180 days.
- The final 20% will try to be a Daddy with no-one to help them.
Yet, when a loving mentor gets involved with any of these 5 guys, the following tide changes:
- 89% of men wanting a pregnancy to end, have a change of heart and give their child the chance to be born.
- 73% of men facing unexpected pregnancy ACTUALLY start a family, instead of walk away.
- 100% of pregnancy care center directors say they see a reduction in single moms.*
- Mentors report 1 out of 2 men develop a long-lasting and personal relationship with Jesus – where there was none before.
There are nine things every new Daddy needs to succeed in his new role for the original four tides to change.
FIRST Every new Daddy Needs to know he is LOVED. Facing an unexpected pregnancy, truly unexpected, stirs fear in young men’s hearts. If the Bible is the least bit true, then 1 John 4:18 offers a symptom and solution simultaneously. That is:
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.” 1 John4:18 (NASB)
One of the most effective ways to LOVE men in unexpected pregnancy is to OVERCOME your own fears in communicating with them and allow the LOVE you have received to be given away freely and simply be available to them.
SECOND Every new Daddy needs to be delivered JOY. That is, he needs to be welcomed with a joyful heart. Not a condemning heart – which he is afraid of and almost certainly receiving in some circles.
“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1 (NASB)
Not that they’ve received Jesus Christ as their savior, BUT YOU HAVE, and IF you’re in Him – You don’t condemn them – ever.
THIRD Every new Daddy deserves PEACE. That is, he needs a place, a space and an environment to think, process and act. The more pressure applied – the less likely he is to succeed.
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phillippians 4:7 (NASB)
Scroll your eyes up and read that again. God’s peace, which surpasses all comprehension WILL GUARD YOUR HEART. You think if your heart is guarded, you can help another guy guard his heart? I’d bet so.
FOURTH Every new Daddy needs PATIENCE. Think about it, when you’re under tremendous pressure, do you perform well? Do you make mistakes and missteps? Yeah, I thought so.
“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-4 (NASB)
Is that not a recipe for patience? What will you need to accomplish and achieve endurance? So if you’re gonna be made perfect, complete, lacking in nothing what do you need?
Got it in mind? (Wait, hold that picture…) Now go see if you can also deliver it to a young guy. The very same stuff you envision!
FIFTH – Every new Daddy needs KINDNESS. Just think for a moment about what helps you when you’re stressed. The kindness of a spouse, a child or a complete stranger is powerful. How many times have you been blown away reading and being fascinated in your very own Facebook feed, by the kindness of total strangers?
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Colossians 3:12 (NIV)
Gut check. Are you on God’s team? Not as a card carrying denominationalist, but rather a guy who gets Jesus, knows you’re a disciple maker with a commissioned role in Him? If so, kindness to others, especially guys in unexpected pregnancy is a must.
SIXTH – Every new Daddy needs GOODNESS. We all to varying degrees believe that deep-down inside we are good people. We pay our taxes, we pick up our yard, wave to the neighbors and as much as possible don’t cause any commotion for others. We therefore, by reason of leaving people alone, are good people.
“The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil.” Matthew 12:35 (ESV)
Yet leaving a guy facing unexpected pregnancy alone IS NOT GOOD. Staying out of the way, letting people figure things out COMPLETELY on their own is – wait for it – EVIL. The core fallacy we’ve fallen for is that I AM GOOD IF I LEAVE PEOPLE ALONE. The truth is “a good person out of the good treasure BRINGS FORTH GOOD.
Marinate on that one. Let me know what you decide.
SEVENTH – A new Daddy needs FAITHFULNESS. They’re going to fail. They’re going to lie. They’re going to go behind your back. New daddy’s with no sense of up or down, not having a father-figure in their own lives will beg, barter and steal, if they are not secure in their circumstances. You need to be ready for that.
“Trust in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.” Psalm 37:3 (NASB)
Cultivate faithfulness? What does that look like? It looks like a guy who keeps his word – in spite of – his other fleshly desires. It looks like a guy who after he takes care of his own family daily (1 Timothy 5:8) he makes the appropriate sacrifices here and there to purposefully GET INTO the lives of those in need – because – he understands his life’s mantra is 2 Corinthians 1:3-7 (emphasize the words SO THAT if you will)…
EIGHTH – A new Daddy needs GENTLENESS. Often one of men’s most fleeting attributes is the ability to be gentle. Being gentle is frowned upon. In today’s competitive culture (for both men and women) assertiveness triumphs gentleness, tragically.
“but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence;” 1 Peter 3:15 (NASB)
So you’re a Christian. Yeehaa and Yippee for you. You’re ready to tell the world what God’s done and doing in your life. That’s awesome. Yet for a guy in an unexpected pregnancy just trying to figure out the next 5 minutes, and then the next five, why not put yourself on the back burner? Just like God bringing himself into humanity for you and me. Put your wonderful stuff on a shelf and be gentle with a guy making HIM FIRST.
NINTH – A New Daddy needs SELF-CONTROL. Well, if the girl is already pregnant, sorry HIS self-control is out the window on that one. And while you want to help him with his future own self-control, sorry fella, what a new Daddy needs is for YOU to demonstrate self control.
“Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.” 1 Corinthians 9:25 (ESV)
Have a business? Have a job? Have responsibilities as a volunteer somewhere? Then as a professional, or maybe even an amateur, you practice and hone your skills daily. Guess what, A new Daddy needs to see that up-close. Many don’t have a routine. Many don’t have structure. Whether it be your mouth, your temper or even your professional acumen demonstrating self-control (not demanding it) is one of the greatest gifts you can give a new Daddy non-verbally.
I guess what I’m trying to convey to you is be a produce developer. A developer of fruit in men’s lives.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22 (ESV)
That’s what a new Daddy really needs.
Think about it…